Christmas is ruined

I take back everything I wrote in my last post, or at least for me. For me christams is gone. And this is a bitter blogpost.
Went to bed at 12. Got some sort of sleep at 1.30, maybe, but I woke up all the time. Since the post came between 4-4.30 I have not been able to sleep, just cry, because I had big hopes for this christmas, spend it with family and have a nice calm peacful time. Now this won't happen. I am just too tired for it, and when I am tired I am in an ultrabad mood. It is 7 o clock now. I turned on the computer. I was thinking of putting the ham in the owen at 6, have still not done it. At that time I read my old essays.
Might seem funny. Is not. Why can't I sleep? Because my body can't rest from yesterday's disappoinments and fight with Micke. I can't find peace, and actually I blame my future mother in law, and for my own mom I feel sorry, she had put so much effert on this christmas, the first in at least 2 years when we are together.
Mine and Mickes first real chistmas in Finland won't be any better.

Never want to be in Finland for christmas again