Living in the moment

It is really hard to just live right now, in the moment and not think about the past nor the future. I can't do it, sometimes I would like to, but I also think it is good to plan and to remember things that happened in the past.
When I was younger I was all the time planning my future and I was never happy where I was. I loved watching old movies and photos and wanted to live in the old times, or then I waited for my "real life" to begun or trips I was going to go on. But now with Micke it is different, both in good and bad. I love just being with him, I don't feel like being in the future or in the past, just being with him makes me feel that this is what the "real life" is. And that is one of the reasons I love him so much and also one of the reasons why I will get married to him. I am the happiest when I am with him, and that is what I think that life is about in the end.
If you want to find something negative in it, it is that I am not so career orientated anymore as I was before, I don't have my life so planned (but that's also because I have to take Micke into account), I am not soso crazy about traveling anymore, I am just happy and enjoying myself! And I love it!

Engagement praty x 2

Wau!

I had a great weekend. It was quite stressfull since we had to clean, I baked, Jigi (the dog) was with us, decorate and so on. But when the guests arrived it was just great. On Saturday we had a party for our friends and we had invited a lot of people, luckily (?) not all showed up since we did not have enough chairs or space and Jigi got stressed and started "talking" to people a bit too loudly. At one point we were 18 people in the house and our house is not too big. It was great to meet my childhood friend for the first time in probably 12 years (we found each other on facebook...) and of course also to meet all the other persons. We had some fun games and I drank maybe a bit too much wine and tried to make people sing, and then I fell a sleep in Mickes lap when we/they were watching rules of engagement - it is such a funny show.

On Sunday morning it was again cleaning and making new cakes and in the evening our families came there. People were so great to us and gave wonderful presents. So now it is really official that we are engaged. And probably getting married soon. summer 2009.



Today I got up early to go for aerobics, but then the instructor was sick and we did not have anything, so I just came to shool and study. And now time for class and later to a dentist.


These are all the nice gifts we got only on Saturday, people are just so nice to us. Thank you!

choclate!

What do you do when you are depressed or a bit sad? When you feel the whole world is against you? You eat chocolate, don't you? At least I do. Chocolate makes everything a bit better.

Chocolate is great! Today I was so annoyed with Micke and he with me, I was just telling him how stupid he was and so on. He was basically mad at me without any reason and that is not fair.. and then he also understood that I said he can't have any of his dvd:s in our bookshelf, which I maybe did.. Okay..no details. I got so mad and sad when he wasn't nice to me so I ate 8 pieces of chocolate in 5 seconds, then 4 minutes later he hugged me and said he was sorry and I was again a bit annoyed because I had eaten the chocolate for nothing, he could have done it 4 minutes earlier. But this only lasted 1 hour or less, but it was horrible. I hate it when something is weird between us. But we are just people, and it's not always so easy to live together. But I still love it!!

Chocolate is like a dog, it always gives great comfort. Never complains.. I love chocolate.

I found a really funny Swedish internet site today: http://www.yttermera.se/mat_och_dryck/index.html

Especially their drink hints and games for parties.

Proud of myself

..it is good to be sometimes!

I got up at 6.40 and was waiting for the aamubic (aerobic in the "aamu"=morning) class to start at 8. I felt great! At 8.10 I was a bit tired, very tired if I am honest, tired from working out, I stepped a bit wrong and fell! I felt like ugly Betty or Bridget Jones. This "ugly" person trying to do something but then just fall. I pretended my shoelace was up so pretended to make it better. I laughed at myself a bit. No one else cared. But my fall was really "wau!", it was so calm, and I could do nothing to stop it. Tomorrow my whole body will hurt. But I am going back!

The last day of year 1999 I was holding a lot of drinks on a plate, serving them to people at this new years party. What do you think happened? I got all the drinks to fall on me... I really love food and love eating and I am really good on getting all the food on my clothes. That can be really catastrophic on the wedding. I want to have this chocolate fountain (Ruffe and Maria had it in Romania) at the wedding party but after that I will probably be filled with chocolate. Maybe it should be white chocolate or then I should have a black dress.


There are book sales right now in Finland and we bought some interesting books from them. One is about how not to become upset in a relationship (or something like that) and there are 100 hints on what not to do. We decided to read one hint every night and then try to live according to that. I really think you have to work for your relationship, so it is good to start early! And my mood swings are not so nice... The other books are also good for the relationship, but they are a bit too ..mm.. to get into here.

Healthy life, here I come

Saturday did not go as it was supposed to go. Got home at 4 in the afternoon and fell asleep and did not want to go outside anymore since the weather was so bad. Every day since we came home from Ecuador it has been raining. Except Sunday, but we got up at 12 and the sun went down at 4 so we did not really have time to enjoy it. So Saturday and Sunday I was just home, doing nothing productive. But now I will start my healthy, energetic life!

Last week I paid this really cheap fee for going to different kind of gym classes for 6 months. I did not do anything last week since I did not know how to sign up fro them. Today I fixed it and tomorrow at 8 o´clock i´ll have my first aerobic class for probably 2 years. It is going to be hard.. I am probably going to die.

Now I will stop "interneting" and read some course literature! Or make food for Micke. Last time I was home before him and my mom was here she told me it was my job to make him food when I am home. I think her thoughts are a bit un updated.

braindead!

That is what I feel I am right now.Have had this weird relationship to partying for over one year, not really wanting to party or drink so much and so on.
But this week I have already been a bit too happy 2 times and tonight will be the third. And I love it!!! But I feel a bit braindead, and this will probably only be a wonderful exception, but it is so nice when you don't ahve to worry about anything, and just be braindead.

Yesterday I was home from work at 22 and Micke had some friends over and we drunk a bit here, palyed cards, had fun. And then we went to Kungliga and it was so much fun! Danced with Micke, I love dancing with him. And everything was great. But then Micke wanted to come home and I wanted to go to NNs jatkon (a cheaper student place), so we started arguing and the came home, so the night did not end so well. And this time we did not even solve our problems before going to bed, and it's really weird I was able to sleep since normally I can't sleep if something is wrong between us. But I dreamt a dream about kissing other guys, so.. When I am drinking and get mad at Micke my first really intelligent reaction is to hurt him by being with someone else. That's why I don't like drinking without him. Because I just want to be with him.

Okay, time for breakfest and then Matka 2008

What do I want?

I am already now totally confused with what kind of wedding I want, and it is normally really hard for me to decide so this is megasuperduper hard. I was not supposed to think about our wedding for a while, but yesterday Lee came to visit me in Helsinki and we went to a book shop and I bought a wedding magazine... so the only thing we talked about with Lee was the wedding and then we drank a lot. And I was a bit drunk, had to ask Micke this morning what happened in bed last night...I did not like his aswer! It was great having Lee here, I so hope she will start studying in Helsinki next fall.

My biggest wedding problem today is: where? We live in Helsinki so it would be quite natural to have it here, and it is also easier and cheaper for people to get here and stay here. But to rent a party place here is so so expensive. So then again it would be smarter to do it close to Pojo, but what kind of wedding party place would be nice there? I think that I under me 3 hours internet research time have come to the conclusion I want the party place to be close to the see. I found a nice place in Helsinki, but the rent was around 1400 and for that money we could serve a lot of alcohol. Because we both want it to be a fun wedding! I want us to a have a perfect wedding but not an expensive one and that's why I want to start planning when we have time, but then again if you plan too much and your life is just around the wedding you will probably be unhappy when you are married because you have nothing else to obsess about. Weird.

Next Saturday is our engagement party and on Sunday it is coffee. Somebody should clean the house before that. Guess I should start. Have work tomorrow and then we are going to Matka 2008 on Saturday.

The ring

Nothing is really different from before. Okay, why would it be? I just mean that a ring does not change anything in the relationship, maybe it leads to more arguments since you should start planning a wedding, but nothing else. My mom told me to enjoy being engaged and not stress about a wedding (she probably does not want me to get married yet), but I don't really see what to enjoy. I enjoy being with Micke, but that has nothing to do with the engagement. Being married, engaged is not really what matters, it is more what you do to be happy in a relationship and not the rings, don't you think so?

But in a way it feels a bit different for me. Now I can openly admit to everybody that I love Micke and I want to be married to him for the rest of my life. And it feels more serious and good and safe. So I am happy, happy, happy.

Even if I say that the ring does not do anything, I love my ring. It is so beautiful! I had told him I wanted it to be white gold, since I don't really like goldgold. And then I had also looked at another ring just to give him some hints. We had many semidiscussions about whether he should get the ring first and then propose or first ask and then we would go and buy the ring together. But in the end I decided it is more fun to get the ring at the same time and then it is also something he thinks is beautiful. I like some traditional stuff!

So, my ring is white gold and then it has one star in the middle and in the star there is a really nice diamond. I love it. It is fancy but still simple, and I can wear it all the time. I can't really get a picture of it (it is so shiny) and I don't find one on internet. But I promise, it is really beautiful!

Getting back to the real world

Have been back in Finland now for some days and now I am finally feeling I am back in my old boring world. For me going to Ecuador is like being in a different world, it is like a good dream, and every time I come back I can't imagine I have ever been there.

My weekend was quite hectic, and this morning I felt it, it was just too hard to get up from bed, I had no energy, I wanted to sleep and I was in such a bad mood. Said stupid things to Micke about him not drinking the juice I made on Friday and him not booking a time for washing all our dirty clothes (have no clean clothes to wear), but he was really understanding and tried to help me. He is so perfect!

Friday evening was nice, Pedu (Mickes best friend) came over, they had some beer, I had some sparkling wine, we played some cards. Nice and chill.
Saturday I worked from 12-19, run to the bus, took the train and was at 21.10 at Lees place (my best childhood friend) and got to meet all the people I do not meet to often and love meeting. Their reaction to my engagement was a bit boring, the first thing I heard when I came in was: "take away your hands from your pants". Lee guessed it since Micke had said at some point that we can't get engaged before he has met my Ecuador family (which was true).

It is really funny to see how people react, but also a bit boring, because nobody is really surprised. But I guess I should see it as a good thing. Everybody just knows that we are good together. Or then it is because Micke in some drunk moment has revealed a little bit too much of his plans...

On Sunday I jumped on the 10 o clock train to go to work again (I work at the airport waitressing), was supposed to end at 19 but decided to stay until 22. Was home at 23 totally dead. That is why this morning was really bad. But first day of school went fine, had only 1,5 h and ended at 10. Great!

I should do something nice for Micke today. It is 10 days since we got engaged and then I didn't see him for the weekend and I have been in a bad mood. Maybe a movie, or some food.

The first picture is taken in the car on Saturday, we are on our way to Affes the other when is in Lees house a little bit before.

First writing ever in a blog

I came home from Ecuador yesterday. I had a wonderful vacation with my boyfriend and I also met my superbestfriend Jade (from Canada) there. We stayed one week with my hostfamily in Cuenca ( I was there as an exchange student when I was 17) and one week on the beach in Montanita. And then we also went diving. And that's when it happened. The reason that I start blogging now.

On a depth of 15meters my boyfriend gave me a note, then a beautiful ring. And now we are engaged, and I am so happy! The story of the engagement is not that easy, it was quite dramatic since the ring fell to the bottom of the sea, but luckily it was only 2 meters down from us.

I made a very adult decision, to get married is not a baby´s decision, so this blog will be about my life becoming a real grown-up. Because when you are married you are supposed to be a real grown up. There will probably be a lot of writings about wedding planning, but mostly it will be a bout my life, and things happening in it.

But now it is time for some real Finnish pizza.

Some pictures from the trip:
Celebrating with warm sparkling wine in the hostel
Me and Micke in Ingapirca (Inca ruins in Ecuador)